Standing up

Because sitting on my ass hours after ass surgery either feels a) painful, b) like I'm tearing open the wound, or c) really painful. But I could have done this lying down on my stomach. Only, my bandages are wrapped so tightly that lying down feels pretty bad, too. So thank goodness for having the resources to have a laptop that I can place on our mantle and so type standing up. My wife took a picture of me doing this, but I'm guessing she's the only one who will find me standing up typing naked but for my ace bandage wrapped so tightly around my hips it feels like they're bruising, only she would find that charming. The bandage actually kind of looks like the bottom of an old-time swimsuit. For a woman.

I'm not sure how I will get to sleep tonight, since lying down is so uncomfortable. Also since I spent most of the morning unconscious, I'm not really sleepy. And the pain medication, which doesn't begin with an n, but with an h (hydrocordone) is supposed to make you constipated and as much as I dread the deuce with my bandages, I'd rather not be blocked up. (Do know, the bandages [and the wound] end above the chute, so there's no real risk of, well, soiling. If I wipe right.) (What? I'm writing about ass surgery. Poop will be mentioned. Not often, but I bet I write about my first bm.)

So I will dive into one of the many trashy magazines my wife bought me. My sister let me borrow some of her favorite trashy movies, but movies tend to keep me up and reading about what People magazine has to say about Owen Wilson's "secret pain" will likely knock me out. (I feel badly for anyone who does what he did, don't get me wrong: I'm just not counting on People to help me take him seriously.)

So day one of post ass surgery is, oh man I hope, drawing to a close and you know what: for all the discomfort and . . . discomfort ass surgery is a good thing.